Passive Me, Aggressive You
by hyoidbone
Summary: Sarah finally agrees to sign with the DYAD institute on strict conditions. She's given the freedom with Kira but she's required for appointments at the institute for routine testing and monitoring. When things become questionable, Sarah finds support somewhere she never expected to let herself go.
1. In Rolling Waves

"Have you started showing any symptoms?"

"No."

Rachel pursed her lips, squinting as she evaluated the response. Sarah was good at covering up concerns about herself. _Fine_, she always said.

"I'm not, kay?" Sarah insisted, leaning back in the chair. She watched Rachel strum her fingers on the desk across from her.

"Just know that as soon as you do. It's a matter of saving your life. And Kira—"

"_No_, we made a deal Kira would be left out."

"Yes. Unless something happens to you or that is potentially life threatening to either of you. She won't be bothered unnecessarily.

Sarah groaned and ran her hand through her dark hair, shaking her head in frustration. She hadn't been able to get away from the institute but she was at least able to work out a deal to keep Kira's life as far away from this as possible.

"We are not here to make things difficult for you, Sarah," Rachel tells her as she moves back from her desk to stand. Her fingers don't leave the desk and trail behind her as she comes around to lean against the front, just a few short feet away from Sarah.

Sarah rolled her eyes and looked to the other side of the office. Rachel's proximity made her a little uneasy but she didn't move.

"Why must you fight tooth and nail, Sarah?" she asks with a soft hum, leaning forward so that the bob of her hair curves against her jawline.

"You've got my labs, yeah?" she finally blurted, jumping from the chair. Rachel's closeness made her flush suddenly and it took great effort not to just sit back down. She let her fingers find the back of the chair for support, stepping behind it. Rachel didn't move from her position and just watched as Sarah cowered away.

"Yes. We got everything we need for this time. Remember. Two weeks or sooner if symptoms show," she instructed but Sarah didn't confirm. She stared a moment longer before she shrugged her jacket back over her shoulder and quickly left the office.

* * *

"Shite! Hey! Watch it, yeah?" she shouted, rolling her sleeves quickly down her arms.

"We told you, we reviewed your blood work and we have to give this to you."

Sarah stared at him, baffled, as if the explanation was meant to make sense.

"You need to cooperate."

"Or what? You'll get Leekie? Rachel?"

The doctors looked at each other, shrugging simultaneously.

"No, you know what, yeah. That's what I want. I want Rachel Duncan to come down here right now. I'll tell her. There's no damn way you're shoving that needle in my arm."

The doctor that had been on her right, gripping her arm, dropped her limb and pushed a few buttons of a monitor and beckoned for Rachel.

Sarah could hear her heartbeat in her ears. Her eyes widened suddenly as her breathing became labored and shallow. She sat quickly, her head dropping to her hands, and tried to calm herself down.

"Sarah?"

The familiar voice reached her but it ran across her skin like a blade. She jerked her head up to see Rachel standing in the doorway and she nearly spat out her questioning of her presence but she remembered demanding them before she became light headed. Sarah combed her fingers through her hair, shoving it to the side and out of her face.

"Are you all right?" asks Rachel, leaning forward slightly to grip her shoulder. Sarah flinches.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. I'm just… They were trying to inject me with some bozo poison without telling me what it was."

Rachel turned to one of the doctors and held out her hand. He placed the syringe in her grasp, giving her a chance to look it over.

"What it is?" Sarah asks, watching Rachel turn it over in her hands.

"Your blood work showed some deficiencies. Vitamin D, specifically. Among other things, of course. This has a slow release activated, allowing it to release over a period of weeks instead of relying on you to take medication. It is just easiest this way for everyone."

"And if I just wanna take the meds every day?"

"It's a very specific schedule, Sarah. This goes in once and works for weeks. You'll feel a difference in a few days as your body replenishes itself."

Sarah squinted at the syringe in Rachel's hand, glancing back to the doctors as she just watched. Rachel decided to wave them off, telling them she had it under control. They both disappeared after a few presses of the keypad.

Rachel held it up, showing the words written in small print on the side. Sarah read them quickly, or at least got the idea of what it really was.

"And how am I supposed to believe you? That you're not injectin' me with something that will kill me?"

"You think we fought this hard to get you just to kill you?"

"Yeah."

She stared at Sarah for a moment, watching defeat spread across her features. It looked like she was doing everything she could to keep it together. The needle next to her skin really sent a jolt down her spine and the threat of sedation caused her throat to lock.

"I don't know," she finally added and tried to lock her expression to one view. "You can't be blind to what this is, okay? I'm a lab rat. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm convinced I'm not even human."

She glanced up to see Rachel's face hadn't changed at all. It was the same robotic look she often had. She sighed heavily and leaned back in the chair, pushing up the sleeve of her shirt.

"Just. C'mon, get it over with. I'd rather you do it then those guys."

"You're not a lab rat."

Sarah laughed, shaking her head in clear disbelief.

Rachel jabbed the needle into Sarah's arm, causing a distorted cry in pain.

"Hey!"

"You're not a lab rat. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for your daughter. You wouldn't allow any of this if it didn't protect her."

Sarah looked up at her, thrown off course as Rachel tried to console her with mirrored distrust for the company.

"Are you all right now?" Rachel asks, running gauze over Sarah's arm to dab the blood left behind by the large needle.

Sarah nodded her head as she watched the delicate movements over her skin. Hatred for the proclone had been wound so tight inside her that the release of it was overwhelming. She tried to cling to those pieces, putting her wall back together. She wasn't supposed to trust her and here she let her shove a large needle in her arm. She couldn't tell Cosima or Alison or anyone about this.

"I need to go," Sarah tells her, feeling the words are too big for her mouth. "Ya got everything, yeah?"

Rachel nodded and leaned back as Sarah stood in front of her.

"Two weeks?"

"Or sooner," says Rachel as she side steps out of the way, letting Sarah out of the examination room.


	2. Miss Atomic Bomb

"They gave you an injection?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Shit," mumbles Cosima, pushing back a lock of her hair. "Did you tell Alison?"

"No. We haven't spoken since…" Sarah trails off. Cosima offers a quick nod, as if she had forgotten.

"Right. Well. I'm sure Rachel knows. You didn't talk to her when you were there?"

"No," Sarah replies while taking a deep breath. "Hearing it from her wouldn't have made it better. She's such a bloody robot that it probably would have been worse."

"She does remind me of an automated telemarketer."

Sarah cracked a smile but it disappeared pretty quickly. The last few months had been a whirlwind and the last thing she really wanted to talk about was Rachel and her appointments but naturally, it's the very thing Cosima wanted to talk about. Sarah could tell she was reluctant in asking but the curiosity and need to know for her own work kept it away to dig deeper.

"They haven't come to me about anything like that. What was it?"

"They said I had some deficiency of… Vitamin E or C or… D, actually. And some others. It is a long acting or slow release or… something. I'm nothing but a pincushion to them. Needles every time I go. Whether it's coming out of or going in."

"Just… just do what they need, okay? You don't want to break your deal with them."

"I know."

"I can see if I can access more of your files, though. See exactly what they gave you. Dr. Leekie and Rachel leaving for a few days early next week. If I can't officially get it…"

"Don't get yourself in trouble over this, yeah? Besides, they told me I would feel better in a few days and I, well, I do. Brighter, if that makes any sense," Sarah tries to explain. Rachel told her it would make her feel better, physically, and when she woke up this morning it was a whole new weight on her shoulders—lighter.

"Then maybe that's all it was. Extra vitamins and nutrients would have a positive effect. At least it's helping instead of doing something worse."

Sarah shrugged a little, letting her fingers twirl around the glass of her drink. Cosima leaned back in the barstool with a long breath.

"Look, I gotta go. I'll look in to it, okay? If I find anything, you'll be the first to know," she says and puts a firm grip on Sarah's shoulder before she steps down and leaves the bar.

"Shite," she mumbles as she combs her hands through her hair and bent over the bar.

"Another?"

Sarah startles, glances up at the bartender, and shakes her head. Instead, she pushes back her glass and nearly tosses herself out of her seat. There was purpose in her steps but it wasn't until the DYAD institute was within walking distance that she figured out what that purpose was.

The building was not as bright as usual but a quick glance to her phone told her it was nearing midnight. Her breathing increased as she approached. She glanced up and down the street before crossing and walking through the automatic doors.

"Is Rachel Duncan in her office?" Sarah slurs out to the woman at the front desk. A couple of clicks later and she nods hesitantly, watching as Sarah disappears down the hallway.

She stood outside the glass door of Rachel's office and watched for a moment, trying to decipher what she might be doing. She watched as her fingers curled around a pen and scribbled a few things down but nothing out of the ordinary.

For a moment, she flashed back to when she hadn't been a part of this new world. Where the only time she saw herself was in front of the mirror and not in someone standing across from her in an entirely different wardrobe and life. As each day went on, even if she gained more answers, more questions were left open and aching for some kind of understanding to all of this.

"Are you going to come in, Manning?" she heard through the glass. Rachel didn't even look up from her desk. How does she do that?

Sarah tugged at the ends of her jacket to straighten it out and finally pushed herself through the door.

"I could smell the bourbon from here."

"Why did you take the Jaguar?"

"Should you be asking that while you're standing drunk in my office?"

Sarah scoffed. Her questions were never answered and instead returned with something vague about her own choices.

"It wasn't yours anyway."

"Fair enough," she says in defeat, her fingers scrunching up her hair.

"Want to tell me the real reason you're here?"

She turned back to the desk, standing off to the side, and eyed the chair no too far away. She didn't sit and instead glared off the wall somewhere else. She shrugged with a shake of her head, her lips trembling with a sudden wave of frustration. Her hand dropped from her hair and rubbed her face, trying to wipe away her expression.

"Is this your version of a drunk dial?"

"Oh, fuck off, Duncan."

"You came to my office, Sarah, you fuck off."

Sarah rolled her eyes and began to pace toward the back of the office, her feet angling her away from the door as she approached.

"I don't have all ni—"

"I feel better, okay?"

Rachel tilted her head to the right.

"Since the injection, yeah? You were right."

"And you had to storm over to my office after midnight to tell me that?"

"I don't… know. No. I didn't have to. I wanted to, okay?" she stammers, unsure of herself. She didn't feel as if she had a good grip and so she tried to cling to the surface. "This isn't exactly the easiest thing to get used to."

"You can't get used to feeling good?"

"No. Well, yes, but… more than that. Actually, all of this. I just found out I am technically property and you want me to comply to everything. How am I supposed to feel this good knowing that?"

Rachel sighed, leaning back in her chair. Her fingers slipped through her hair, leaving it out of place as she watched the woman.

"It's not like I've had my whole life to deal with it, yeah? You wouldn't have a clue to what I'm feeling."

"You have no idea what I'm feeling, Sarah."

"Oh, please, you poor proclone. Having to know who you were and where you came from your whole life," she tried. She knew she didn't have a good chance at the argument but she couldn't let any of it go. Rachel had the upper hand and would continue to do so as long as Sarah was forced to be a part of this awful ordeal.

"For someone that feels so much better you have a poor way of showing it."

Sarah flinched when Rachel pushed her chair back from the desk and followed as she came around, her hips swaying as delicately as ever despite the tones of their conversation.

"You have more than a week until your next appointment. You feel better. Is that all?"

She squinted a little, searching her expression. Rachel was a less wound up the last few times she had been around her. Almost pleased that she signed off but tonight was different and she couldn't find it. The stoic look on her face didn't change, even when she snapped back.

"Come, what is it?"

"I…"

Rachel allowed the silence to linger, watching Sarah flounder beneath her gaze. It made her feel a little uncomfortable to be scrutinized by her, as if she weren't good enough. She had been tossed to the side her entire life and she only felt like a piece of a very large puzzle she would never get to see.

"I don't know, okay? I just know I've regretted signing myself over to you guys since day one and now you're being…" Sarah fell away in her argument. "And the injection to make me feel better? I just want to know the bloody angle!"

Her eyes widened a little as Sarah dropped her hands and leaned forward, propping her hands up on her knees. Rachel moved her hand to the side to grasp her phone if she needed to call for help but she saw a window for something else.

The frustration was eating at Sarah. It would be visibly wearing her down had she not felt so good today. As if her body was on the mend without really wanting to.

"I'm being what?"

"What?"

"You said 'now you're being…' and I want to know."

"You're being…" Sarah trails off, biting her lip. "You're just being, I don't know, nice. I guess, yeah."

"I haven't been nice before?"

Sarah cocked her head forward, raising a brow.

"Okay, you got me there but you should reconsider what you were forcing me to do."

"What I was doing?" Sarah scoffs. "You were going to kidnap Kira had she not already been taken. Do you think I can just get over that? That you were going to take her and treat her like an experiment? You may own me but you will never lay your hands on her, so help me."

"I've heard enough, Sarah. We have a deal. A deal that goes beyond your genetic makeup. There is no reason to be hostile."

She gripped the end of her jacket, the edges of the zipper biting into her skin but she only squeezed tighter. It was an attempt to bring her back to reality and step back into a comfort zone.

"You don't have to worry anymore," Rachel says as she steps closer. She leaves space between them, set back by the woman's unpredictability and sudden vulnerability. Or what she thought was vulnerability.

Sarah tensed as Rachel approached and counteracted the steps backwards. Her head shook a few times and she blinked back a bleary gaze, fighting the urge to cry. Her fingers brushed across her eyes and she turned away to avoid being seen.

"Sarah?"

"You were right; I should have waited until my appointment to come by."

"I didn't say that. Just sit down and take a moment," Rachel offered and stepped back. She was getting too close to the injured animal and any sudden movements would spook her, sending her off into the night.

"No. I can't. I… need to go," she stammers and backs up again. She should have listened to Cosima and played along with the details instead of throwing in the curveball of a visit. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

Rachel stepped up to stop her but Sarah darted out of her office before she could try and stop her.


	3. Kiss Catastrophe

"You have to go," Aldous tells Rachel.

"I just have a few more things to do."

"We can't put the trip off any longer. They delayed the meeting once, they do it again and they won't have any part in this."

Rachel groans, leaning back in her desk chair and up at Aldous.

"I know what you're doing."

She looks away from him, staring at her computer screen in hopes he might not continue.

"You'll get all the reports the next morning."

"Okay, okay."

An alert popped up on her computer and she straightens her posture, reaching forward and clicking the mouse a few times. A smile lights her face just as Aldous turns to go.

"Give me an hour," she tells him before he walks out of her office. She leans back and stares at the screen, reading the words over. She doesn't stand up and rush down to the examination room. Instead, she waits for the note saying the labwork was running before she got up and left.

Most days, it took 24 hours to get the labs back but Rachel made sure they put Sarah's ahead of the rest. She was running on borrowed time at this point so she made her way to the laboratory to wait for the results.

After the doctor went over the results with her, Rachel stepped into the room. Sarah was sitting on a chair in the corner and didn't look up right away.

"Good morning," Rachel greets, startling Sarah to right herself in the chair. She stared at Rachel for a moment before she leaned over her lap, resting her arms on her knees while her hands dangled between her thighs.

"Oi," Sarah lazily greets but Rachel thought she was trying too hard. "You got my results?" she asks, waving a finger to the folder in her hands.

"I do. They look good," she begins and lays the papers down on the counter. "They've significantly improved and show no signs that Jennifer, Katja, or Cosima has shown."

Sarah perked up but she was quick to smash it, hiding it from Rachel.

"Cosima is feeling better, too, in case you were wondering," Rachel announces. Sarah looked relieved when she heard the information and Rachel stifled a smile. She stared at the results on the counter before she moved to lean against the structure.

"She said she was starting a new treatment."

"It looks promising."

Sarah nodded but the air in the room became thick and Rachel could tell she didn't want to be in their anymore. She couldn't keep her here but she tried to find the moment that would make her linger a little longer.

"And Kira is well?"

"Is that all?"

"It is."

"Good," she replies and Sarah stood from her chair. "Thanks," she adds but doesn't linger. She didn't want to stay and chitchat like friends and that was obvious in each step she took to the other side of the examination room. When she walked past Rachel, however, her arm was snatched back and she faced the other woman. Her face distorted in confusion; her brows burrowed as she searched Rachel's face for an answer but her stoic expression revealed nothing.

"Wait."

"Oi, what do y'think you're doing?"

"This," Rachel murmurs and she jerks Sarah's arm so that she is closer and enveloping her in a kiss. It wasn't filled with passion like she played it in her head. She tasted fear on Sarah's lips but the delay from the start before there was any sort of reciprocation was received. It was tentative and forced and just enough to get Rachel to pull back.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I…" she starts but she realizes she had no words. That she hadn't planned this as well as she thought and she had shoved Sarah back into her feral hole in the ground.

Sarah stood there, stunned, before she snaps her arm back from Rachel's grip and storms out of the examination room.

Rachel is filled with embarrassment, her eyes stinging with a new set of tears, and she couldn't be more thankful that her flight is in a few hours and she wouldn't have to deal with this for a while.


End file.
